Point to Ponder: Of Coca Cola, Juggling, Family and Work

Some of us who have been castigated for spending more time at work at the cost of being with family like using the argument that success at work will guarantee future benefits and time with the family. How does the family expect me to provide them the finer things in life, let alone the basic needs, if I am not able to advance myself at the work place? How will I afford the best colleges for the kids, one or two holidays outside the country if I am but an average worker? Those making the noise should therefore cool their heels and wait till that time when we will be able to afford the time with them as they want. But as I have since discovered, it is not all that simple, and recently I received a timely reminder when someone posted this image on my facebook wall.

For those with sight problems it reads: "Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. They are Work, Family, Health, Friends and Spirit and you’re keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends, and spirit – are made of glass. If you drop any of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will bever be the same. You must understand that and strive for it. Work efficiently during office hours and leave on time. Give the required time to your family, friends and have proper rest." I might not necessarily be able to tell how genuine this speech is (with the internet you can never really tell what is fact and myth nowadays) but this speech certainly struck a chord for me. I hope it communicates something to all my fellow workaholics out there! In the meanwhile, I will leave this lying around the office where the bosses can "accidentally" discover it! In other news, it has been raining the proverbial cats and dogs in Nairobi. We generally don't trust the meteorological department here, that is why this picture brought a big smile on my face

Facebooking Till Death Do Us Asunder

A few weeks back I reflected on what kind of 'alone' life we live that someone can lie dead for 3 years undiscovered. As fate would have it, I then ran into a story of someone who commits suicide in front of friends. Well, maybe not real friends but rather facebook friends. Claire Lin was a Taiwan woman who committed suicide while chatting with friends on facebook. Lin's facebook entry shows her chatting to her friends and alerting them of her gradual asphyxiation. Her last words in Chinese, were: "Too late. My room is filled with fumes. I just posted another picture. Even while I'm dying, I still want FB (Facebook). Must be FB poison. Haha."

Read the full story here

What I found strange was that this was not a troubled teenager but rather a 31 year old woman. The article suggests that she had issues with her boyfriend who was the one that found her dead the next day. Also it was strange that none of her friends contacted the police though with the virtual nature of internet, one cannot probably be sure of someone's location or indeed if they are serious in their allegation.

For me the issue here is maybe that while social networking makes us feel connected, maybe we really are not. What's your take on this?

An Eagle When She Flies

Today is the International Women Day, so I share this old song with all the women who visit this blog (and the men too).



And please share which other music you have come across that celebrate the power and resilience of women

Reflections on Valentines Day

Earlier this week I did a post on my reflections on Valentines on the Project 44 blog. First time I was being a guest blogger those I could not understand why someone would want my pedestrian writing on their blog. I also hear I could have been hard on the ladies. For those who missed it on the Project 44 blog, click on the image to the link to Project 44 and leave your comments there (or here if you prefer).

Walk With Kings But Don't Lose The Common Touch

Hmm, here is a story that last week opened my eyes to how different we are and how we can easily assume that all of us are intrigued by the same stuff. Last Saturday I decided to meet a friend for a drink in town. He had in his company two (beautiful) ladies with whom we chatted with about the various topics that people who have just met for the first time over a drink chat about. Politics, celebrities, weather, music and other stuff.

The conversation however took an interesting turn when, talking about public transport, I mentioned that I once had a conversation with someone who grew up in Nairobi but had never been in public transport until she finished her college education. I was thus surprised when one of the ladies confessed that she had never been in public transport (bus or matatu). I was a bit curious and tried to inquire whether, growing up she had never been curious and had the urge to jump into a matatu or bus and go whenever. No. Yes, I am aware that there are people who have been born into privilege but I assumed that even if your parents had you wrapped under a cocoon of privilege, there will be that "rebellious" streak to stray and see the "other" side of the world? How the rest of the country lived? No, she said, why should she see poverty? She asked. I was lost for word. Whenever I travel to any city or town on business, I usually refuse to be confined to my hotel room and conference facilities and try to go the "masses" side of town, to witness the pulse, the color of that town as I know these are not found on the posh side. No, she said, she is never that curious, not in the least interested.

This is in no away an attempt to judge someone or try to be pious and call others vain, just one of those times that I remind myself that we are different. As for me, "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;"

A Blog, Immaturity and Blood

It has been a while since I was on this blog, or any other blog for example. I will not bore you with details of how busy my life was but in between the everyday "busyness" of life, I found time to discover one very interesting blog, Project 44 - Eve and Adam. I have previously seen the people who blog there leave comments on my blog and even though I had meaning to click on their link, for some time I never got round to doing it. So one day I clicked on the link. I say the blog is interesting because it is not common (at least for me) to find some local bloggers objectively discussing issues of relationships in a reasonable manner. Most of the local blog posts I come across on these issues tend to be about whining about how (especially marriages) are a dying institution and mostly highlight the negative. But maybe that is what readers are interesting in reading. So for me it was like a breadth of fresh air to come across this blog. Please pay them a visit, you will not be disappointed.

One of the posts I found interesting was a post about maturity. This got me reflecting about how many times I have exhibited behaviour that might be termed immature in my own relationships. Ok, maybe I should not be writing this, but now that I am writing this...These are some of the immature actions I have cast upon my loving partner who seems to have the patience of a Hindu saint.

One of the most silly thing I have done in the past is sulk. I know some will say that sulking is for women but truth be told, for many years I have been a sulker. When I was in school I would sulk for some time when I fell out with a friend, at times go days without speaking to him. On reflection, I only sulked if the offending party was a friend I held dear. If we had an argument and I felt nothing, then you did not mean anything to me. I have had misunderstandings with partner and I have sulked. I can say that there have been times when I have gone for days without speaking to my partner. When we finally spoke, we could not remember what was the problem in the first place. Nowadays I understand the immaturity of not wanting to speak to each other.

But perhaps one of my most immature actions took place in the middle of the night on a lonely road. We were from a night club and my partner and I had an argument. The argument continued in the car and at one point feeling I could not take more of this, I just slammed on the brakes, stopped the car in the middle of the road at 2am and decided I was going to walk the rest of the 10km home. My wife thought I was joking but I walked on, until she traced me 20 minutes later. I will not comment on how the situation was resolved but later I could not help thinking about I had exposed both my wife and I to danger, considering that this was a carjacking prone area. There has been other incidents, like damaging something but let me not expose my myself. All I can say is that I have now matured enough.

Still talking of maturity, what better way is there to show maturity than donating blood? Recently I met a team of young people who have decided to contribute to society by developing a blood donors database. I know this does not sound like a lot in the West or more developed countries with efficient blood bank systems but here it is a big deal. Going by the name of Wanadamu (literally meaning people of blood but also intimating humanity), their idea is simple. Wanadamu is an initiative that aims at bringing together donors and patients requiring blood by maintaining a database of willing donors. These donors are then contacted on demand, should an emergency blood appeal be made. It also avails the convenience to donors of knowing that they will be called upon as and when required. Enter your name and contact details and blood type into a database and when there is an emergency need of your blood type in your location, you could be contacted to donate blood. During this month of heroes, they are encouraging Kenyans to be heroes by donating blood to those in need. For me, this is something that we should all get involved in. Please click on this link to register and pass the info round. The objective is to have a minimum of 1000 donors in each of the 47 counties.

On Friends, Compliments & Sincerity

Recently I happened to be asked to act an emcee(it was put in a such a way that I could not decline). I said yes and promptly forgot about it until a day to the event. Then I was surprised with some "talking points" that I was supposed to memorize. I was even given exact lines to introduce some film. I still took everything for granted until the last minute when backstage, I saw all these people that were to make some speeches busy rehearsing their speeches. It was then that it occurred to me that I needed to be rehearsing and that there was no room for mistakes. This made me tense throughout, a situation that was made worse by the blinding stage lights. Needless to say, I got through it unscathed, meaning I did not introduce people using wrong names and did not refer to the US Ambassador as being from Iran or something like that (the highlight for me though was having to help Alfre Woodard down the steps - they kept reminding me how to pronounce her name. Would she have strangled me if I got it wrong?)

Anyway, the point of this is that after the event I was obviously concerned that I might have made a fool of myself on stage. But as usual, friends came and patted me on the back saying stuff like 'that was good' etc. It is actually only one person who upon my probing told me that I looked rather nervous at the beginning...This made me reflect on how many mornings that my wife asks me how she looks like in a certain attire, and without thinking, murmur that it looks ok. In deed, how many times do I pass compliments without actually meaning it, just because I am expected to be nice. I see a musician friend of mine perform and clearly the performance sucks but I just say "well done, that was brilliant!". I think being sincere in compliments is perhaps not as easy as it sounds, most of the time we will not tell our friends the truth. Perhaps it is only husbands who get to hear the truth from their wives concerning their dressing, something that at times we do not take lightly!

Finally, "Real friendship is exchanging secrets, rolling over like a puppy and exposing the soft underbelly. You tell your friend the truth, and you feel the friendship growing - like a bank account - with each upfront opinion you give, with each honest answer you hear". Adair Lara, Cosmopolitan

Online to Offline: Can Online Friendship Be Real?

A man (not sure about women) usually reaches a certain age when it becomes difficult to make friends, unless of course you are in a job that requires you to make friends (maybe security intelligence?). In fact when I think of it, after college, the friends that I have made have mostly been work related, either because we worked for the same company or our work brought us together. And when I started having a family of my own, dividing my time between my wife and kids and my employer made it even more difficult to have friends. I have actually moved in and out of a few neighborhoods over the last few years and each time I have moved, I have discovered that I am hardly leaving any friends behind.

The art of making new friendships have however been given a new dimension by social networking. At first, I was not enthusiastic about social networking and saw it as another of those internet inventions that is designed to take away valuable time that I could have been spending reading or doing something more meaningful. In fact, I argued a lot about the notion of actually meeting people online and thinking that it could lead to any meaningful offline relationships. No guessing then for my feelings about online dating and the likes. After a lot of encouragement from a friend, I got into MySpace sometimes in 2006 and after a few weeks I had even forgotten my log in details. I was then harangued my a number of friends and eventually got into Facebook sometimes in 2008. What Facebook did however was to bring up all the school and college friends I had even forgotten ever existed. Suddenly I was having friend requests from people I had not even thought about for 15 years. It helped renew some old acquaintances but for a majority of these, after the first greetings we have barely communicated except wish one a happy birthday when Facebook reminds you it is their birthday. So I wonder whether it is really worth it in the first place. For me, Facebook is more about maintaining friendships not making some new ones. Sometimes people you don’t know will send you a friend request but I am never sure whether to ignore or accept.

Last year, after reading about all the hype about twitter, I decided to give it a try. After a few days I almost gave up but once I found interesting people to follow and learned what retweeting meant and how to shorten url links, I found it was actually more interesting than Facebook, that is in times of meeting new interesting people. Unlike Facebook where you have to accept friend request before you know this stranger who has decided to connect with you, with twitter, you just followed someone, decided it was not worth it and promptly unfollowed. Within time you actually start making conversations with people whose interests cross with yours. I was thus actually surprised when I found myself actually meeting some of the friends I made online and that turned my earlier belief that you cannot make offline connections with people you meet online.

I still believe that online connections should largely remain online (I am conservative like that) but if perchance you think you have made some interesting connections that can go offline, why not?

"Real friendship is exchanging secrets, rolling over like a puppy and exposing the soft underbelly. You tell your friend the truth, and you feel the friendship growing - like a bank account - with each upfront opinion you give, with each honest answer you hear." - Adair Lara, Cosmopolitan



A former schoolmate recently posted this photo, which we took about 19 years ago, on Facebook and tagged us. Suddenly characters emerged after 19 years to post comments. That is what Facebook can do. I will of course not point out who is me on the photo.