The Meaning of Being Lonely?

Imagine you get home after a tiresome day, grab something to bite and then settle down on your favourite chair in front of the television to catch your favourite program. But then you have a medical condition, could be a heart condition or something related, you pass out and end up dying in front of your television set. And for 3 years, nobody really misses you, your decomposed body gets discovered years later after your landlord gets concerned about the rent arrears. This looks like an improbable scenario, right? Wrong!

Sometimes last year I came a sad story about Joyce Vincent Carol, a young woman who, in 2006, was found in a London bedsit, apparently having been dead for about 3 years. Her skeleton lay on the sofa, the TV set was still on, on the floor lay a pile of unopened Christmas presents, washing up was heaped on the kitchen sink, a heap of post lay behind the front door and food in the refrigerator was marked with 2003 expiry dates. I read the story with great curiosity, eager to find out how someone could be dead in a house for 3 years without anybody discovering her. Did she not have family, friends, colleagues who missed her? People who tried to call her and became concerned when they had not heard from her for days, weeks or months? Friends who came to see her at home?

The story I was reading, appearing on The Guardian was written by Carol Morley and it is about her journey to find out more about her, a journey that has been captured on a film Dreams of A Life.

I encourage you to read this interesting piece here

For me however, I found it hard to comprehend this and yet I am aware of how we are gradually moving from being communal animals to individuals who are disconnected from a sense of community. Where I come from, we sometimes complain about people ever being ‘in your face’ and want them to leave us alone. If you put off your phone for 48 hours and remain totally incommunicado, I can guarantee that there will be several visitors on your doorstep curious to find out where you are. We still take notice if the neighbor has been away for more than a week. This is why I found this story so compelling and so sad…

As you will read in the story, this was not a forgotten junkie, an overdosed addict, an isolated heavy drinker, she was not an old loner without family… she was someone who had dated, socialized, worked in London firms and mingled with “celebrities” and met and shook hands with one of the most respected icons in the world…

I don’t know what there is to learn from this story (and please feel free to share your views) but I just felt I should share this…

PS: I recently came across an interesting programme on BBC Knowledge where a firm tries to trace relatives of mostly people who have passed on without wills but left a fortune. The idea is to trace people who can inherit the wealth. I find it quite disappointing that there are usually cases where they cannot connect the deceased with anybody alive or dead....

An Eagle When She Flies

Today is the International Women Day, so I share this old song with all the women who visit this blog (and the men too).



And please share which other music you have come across that celebrate the power and resilience of women

Reflections on Valentines Day

Earlier this week I did a post on my reflections on Valentines on the Project 44 blog. First time I was being a guest blogger those I could not understand why someone would want my pedestrian writing on their blog. I also hear I could have been hard on the ladies. For those who missed it on the Project 44 blog, click on the image to the link to Project 44 and leave your comments there (or here if you prefer).

Fire and Ice

Recently while chatting to a colleague about relationships, he mentioned that he is not in a relationship because he has not met a woman who shares in his tastes or is at his intellectual level. He went on to say that he hopes to one day meet a woman who shares in his hobbies and interests so that in future he will not get bored with or of her. This got me thinking about my own relationship and realized how different I am in some aspects to my wife. This reminded me of a poem I studied in college, Fire and Ice, by Edmund Spenser. OK, I know that interpretations are varied, and some will claim that it is about unrequited love, but the good thing with me is that at times I choose to interpret things the way I want to. My interpretation (I recall, contested bitterly by students and the teacher then) is that opposites can live together. So here is the poem, and let me know how you'd interpret it!

My love is like to ice, and I to fire:
how comes it then that this her cold so great
is not dissolv'd through my so hot desire,
but harder grows, the more I her entreat?

Or how comes it that my exceeding heat
is not delayed by her heart frozen cold,
but that I burn much more in boiling sweat,
and feel my flames augmented manifold?

What more miraculous thing may be told
that fire, which all thing melts, should harden ice:
and ice which is congealed with senseless cold,
should kindle fire by wonderful device?

Such is the pow'r of love in gentle mind
that it can alter all the course of kind.

4 Pointer For A 19yr Old Wannabe [Back Then]

Yes, I know it has been awhile but will nevertheless not bore anybody with any details on why I had gone awol in the blogosphere. I might not have left much evidence behind but I was able to peep (and on a few occasions leave some comments) on some of your blogs but for those I never geto to say happy new year to, well here it is: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

And because a new year brings with it great expectations and some of us even go as far as making resolutions and creating visions and philosophies for the new year, this year I decided to do the opposite. To go back in time - not physically but in doing the so called resolution thing.

Sometimes in December I went to visit in my rural home. And while there, I came across some gem. My dad, while getting rid of junk from years gone by, had unearthed an old piece of paper dating back to the year after I had just finished high school. In this paper, I had typed (using a typewriter as it would be years before I actually touched a computer) four slogans that I thought will carry me through college and life. So many years later, holding this yellowish piece of paper than my youngest brother had managed to save from an intended fire, it downed on me that these four slogans are still relevant to my life, in fact even more so today now that life has over the years made me more cynical. And so for my 2012 reflections, I go back in time to when I was 19 years and say that, several jobs, a wife, 2 kids, wider girth, and many a grey hair later, this is what I still want to have in my life:

1. Easy Does It
"Problems or any crisis that needs solutions should be approached with a relaxed mind. Patience is a philosophy of living, to be learnt slowly and absorbed into our hearts and minds. Avoid hurry while sorting out issues as this may only resort to confusion and tension hence making the whole situation worse - easy does it".

2. First Things First
"Many of our confusions and frustrations are due to our failure to deal with tasks and problems in the order of their importance. It does take discipline to put aside the things we would rather do, and attend to those of first importance first. But the rewards are great, we get things done, we enjoy a sense of accomplishment, and we learn to face issues with a real sense of value and purpose".

Image from here

3. Live and Let Live
"This is a reminder that most of us need often. We need to make ourselves realize that we are not equipped to judge or criticize others for what they are or for what they do. Our only concern should be our own conduct, our own improvement, our own lives. Each of us is entitled to his own view of things, but we have no right to inflict it on anyone else. If there are differences of opinion, treat them objectively without offending anyone through criticism.

4.Let Go and Let God:
"Everyday there are decisions to be made adn problems to be solved. When you notice irritations growing into tensions, tensions into near panic, and old fears returning, this is the time to stop short and turn to God. You can do nothing anyway, and you will find that if you supply the willingness he will supply the power".

I don't know who the authors for these were as I was probably typing them from some book but if it happens to be your relative or something, kindly let me know and let's avoid this SOPA/PIPA thing :)

Here's to wishing you all a great 2012 and hope you will continue reading!