My Questions for Wiki Leaks

I have been holding my breath to see if there is anything sensational to come out of Wiki Leaks about Kenya in the past one week but I have seen nothing ‘earth shaking’, except to state a well known fact that Kenya is indeed a swamp of corruption and that we facilitated exportation of military ware to South Sudan, in contravention of a peace accord we helped create. On the Tuesday Daily Nation, columnist Macharia Gaitho wrote what he thinks the American Ambassador here should have written to Obama, ending with the hope that he should be allowed to run for president of Kenya as he does not think highly of the three top men in Kenya.

However on a more sillier note (naturally), I would have hoped for Wiki Leaks to at least shed some light on the following 5 key issues:


Hoping Assange can help answer my five concerns


1. Is the American government (in cahoots with key Kenyan politicians) behind the mushrooming of FM radio stations and Mexican Soap Operas, two institutions that have done more to promote stupidity among the general population than schools have managed to, the aim of which is to keep the entire population focused on triviality and consumption thus being unable to realize that they are being bled dry by politicians and big business

2. Does the American Government think William Ruto and Alfred Mutua were born stupid or it is something they have had to work hard to achieve? Is Alfred Mutua a US spy planted by the American Government to make Kenyans generally look stupid so that no one takes us seriously?

3. Was the production of Tusker Project Fame Season 4 (music talent program modeled along the lines on American Idols) an attempt by the sponsors (East African Breweries) to kill of East African talent once and for all by making everyone so disillusioned that we all give up on talent and resort to drinking thus driving sales up for the beer maker?

4. Did the Obama administration help pass the law that states that Kenyan journalists and news reporters must lack critical awareness, have low standards of education and undergo lobotomy so at to make watching news rival watching the World Snail Athletics Championships?

5. Is Justin Bieber an American Government project to gain mind control of the world?

For now I will seat by my computer,waiting to see if the incoming set of cables will answer these concerns.

Image from google images. If you are the copyright owner of the photo and want it removed, let me know

My Shujaas

So yesterday was Mashujaa (Hero’s) Day, and everybody went gaga talking about great men and women, patriotic people who have sacrificed their lives for the freedom of this country, gave their sweat and blood to put the country’s name on the map, worked tirelessly to improve our lives etc. etc. But wait a minute, must a hero be someone who indulges in self-sacrifice, be willing to put their lives on the line for your sake, be read to sweat blood for our sake? When I think about those who have influenced my life, made me to be who I am, they are not always those who fit into your hero stereotypes. Yes, I know about my father sacrificing his house to put us through college, that teacher who inspired a dream, that boss who pushed me into the right direction and showed me career tricks…but I am however here to celebrate other small heroes who in one way or another changed my life, mostly unwittingly.

Caroline Mutoko and Kiss FM (and by extension FM radio presenters): Why are they my heroes? They made me stop listening to FM radio and this has made the quality of my life better. Years ago, like millions of Kenyans, I too tuned in to the radio stations to listen to the nonsense that FM presenters regurgitate every morning. Kiss FM was the leading station by then but the more Mutoko ranted her nonsense then, I was put off radio. Nowadays I don’t listen to radio at all (with the exception of BBC occasionally and sports commentaries) and that has helped me keep my sanity. To be fair to her, I am made to understand that she has improved over the recent years, shed off some arrogance but nonetheless I am not willing to find out.

Michuki, Kiraitu Murungi, Kutuny, Ruto and other Kenyan politicians: When Narc got rid of Moi and his cronies from power in 2002, I joined the rest of the country in believing that change was indeed on the way. Then came Michuki’s famous juggling of the liver analogy and Kiraitu’s women willing to be raped speech. Those made me realize that even after Moi, Kenyan politicians still have the intelligence of garden tools. People like Ruto (both William and Isaac), Jakoyo, Mbugua, Kutunyu and their ilk have since strongly confirmed this. They are my heroes because they successfully killed any aspirations I might have had of getting engaged in politics.

Alfred Mutua, Kenya government spokesman: He is one of my biggest heroes. Whereas I previously thought that people who have gone through colleges, and even lectured there, are generally intelligent people who know what they are talking about and weigh their words carefully, Mutua has gracefully taught me not to make such assumptions. His denial about a blast at Wilson Airport, insisting that it was an explosion (or was it the other way round), his bundling of a matatu driver into his car trunk and his creative efforts at Cobra Squad taught me important life lessons, always look beyond education Charles.

Church Clergy: I used to believe strongly in God, until I started giving the clergy, especially the so called televangelists, audience. Then doubts started to creep in. Don’t get me wrong, there are some honest believers out there but the more I listen to the clergy, the more I doubted the existence of God. When I stopped going to church and listening to evangelists, then I found God. Does this mean they are heroes or not, I am getting confused there….

What our MP-igs Are Really Worth

There has been a major uproar as Kenyan MPs for the umpteenth time award themselves hefty salary increases. While most are making noise that the money is too much, nobody is really saying how much they ought to be paid. I have therefore decided to ponder on how an MP's payslip should really look like. Here is my take (in Ksh):



Basic salary:
200,000 (same an average program manager in an NGO operating in a bigger area than a constituency)

Allowances:
Travel = 16,000(4,000 per weekend using public transport, in most places they will still have change if they use the 14 seater matatus)
Phone & communication allowances = 0 (this is why people work for a salary)
Seating allowances = 0 (their job is to 'seat' in the House and discuss issues)
Entertainment Allowances = 6,000 (Enough for one to stack some crates of soda in the House, a few packets of biscuits and even some chang'aa now that it is being legalized)
Housing = 0 (that is why we get salaries, so that we can pay rent)
Schooling for kids = same as above

Others:
15% of the salaries contributed to the pension scheme (and they can't access it until they retire like the rest of us) = 30,000
Car Loans = 0 (they can apply for unsecured loans from commercial banks like the rest of us, Govt will provide letters confirming that they work in parliament)
Health = insurance paid directly for employee, wife and 2 children (preferably cheapest option from Resolution Health)

We are talking of approximately 250,000 here which is subjected to tax (you they will take home about190,000 thereabouts- someone can do the maths) and we can throw in a 10% increase every year subject to performance appraisal. Your constituents must give the go-ahead by more than 50% for you to get the increase. I do believe that this will be very generous given the fact that the work does not call for a lot of qualifications, one should just be able to speak English and Swahili at a basic level!

I Have The Leaders That I Deserve!

They say a country deserves the leaders it gets, I wonder how true this is for Kenya. Let me reflect on this by picking out a few leaders we have and put this theory to test.

Obviously the place to start is Kibaki, the president. Personally I think Kibaki is petty and only concerns himself with pettiness, unless of course pushed to act by other forces. In the midst of more pressing national concerns, the old man from Othaya will find time to call a press conference to claim that he only has one wife. As if we care. The bugger will chuckle at himself when he calls one pumbavu. Recently, he was quick to suspend several PSs only after he heard that those in the office of the PM had been pressurized to step aside, in the process suspending even those who had already stepped aside. The guy will only react when the PM has actually done something, it is like he is trying to tell Raila "I am bigger than you", or "my thing is bigger than yours!" I will contrast this to the manner in which Kenyan media were so glued to the Esther Arunga / Hellon story. As if it matters. So the public gets hooked on the fact that an adult of sound mind is keeping the company of someone they don't like. You go on twitter, facebook, TV, radio, it is all you can see or hear about. Then a mob at the coast decides that they have nothing better to do with their time than try to stop a gay wedding! I am sure that if you mark those faces well, you will see them pop somewhere else pleading with the government to come and help them because they are so poor!

Another high profile leader we have is the thug from Eldoret, William Ruto. I call him a thug because those of us old enough to remember 92 can still recall the thuggery that went on to ensure that Baba Moi remained in charge. Now the other day I see folks in Rift Valley protesting and demonstrating because he has been suspended for allegedly stealing maize. Simply because he is in a power struggle with one that we don't like, it is now alright to stay put as a minister even when allegations of corruption are hanging over your head. Tomorrow we shall be blaming the government for lack of willpower in fighting corruption. I am not trying to say that I approve of the government's way of handling corruption, but the point is that the person who has to be a victim of this fight has to be from the other community!

Another high profile leader we have is Kalonzo Musyoka. The chap is self confessed committed christian, like many Kenyans. Many Kenyans are so committed a christian that they cannot withstand the provision of the Kadhis court in the constitution. They are so committed a christian that they will not hesitate to pelt with stones, hack with machetes or burn down those they consider to stand in their way. There is no contradiction in being christian and promoting tribalism, watching after your stomach first while the country burns, or ignoring a public promise for political convenience. That is why we Kalonzo as our leader!

Because we are Kenyans, someone will deduce my ethnicity from my profile and ask why I am not alluding any negativity to the PM, and will therefore conclude that I support the PM so I will not point an accusing finger at him. One will therefore say I am tribalist. But just to give them that satisfaction, I will stop here.

PS: Re Raila (I can't resist it) - You campaign to be the people's president. You then burden them with the likes of H Kosgey, W Ruto, D Otieno and all those who had faithfully served in the same regimes that you demonized as autocratic, undemocratic etc etc.

I'm Back But Some People Are Smelling Like Shit

I have been away for quite a while, slightly more than a month but I don't feel I have missed much anyway. Kenya is still Kenya, the usual shenanigans over appointments, Mau, starvation, power games etc. Of these, one thing that has aroused strong feelings is the debate on Mau conservation. It's been painful watching one set of politicians open their foul mouths to once again use their communities to defend their corruption while another set retreat from doing their work because of political considerations, their rhetoric notwithstanding. It is someone who lives on another planet that still needs to be convinced of the urgency to save the Mau complex, and other water towers. I almost threw up when the former president Moi opened his mouth to comment on the same issue, the very person who had 24 years to right any wrong as far as our environment was concerned. It also sickens me to hear his defenders come out daily saying what a marvelous job he is doing...this is one guy who should consider himself lucky to be still walking about freely...

...Then there is Ringera but the less said about that the better!

In both these cases, the people who come out smelling like shit are:

On Mau...(Raila, W. Ruto, I. Ruto and the Kalenjin MPs, arap Moi and Kibaki)

On Ringera...(Kibaki, Mutula Kilonzo, Kalonzo, Ringera, Martha Karua)